Fragments I wrote for another poem!

Thou the path may seem old and worn,
and our spirt may seem withered and torn,
The choices we made have lead us here,
It's time we suck it up and face our fear.

______________________________

A way to face these tormented shores,
A way to open these closed doors,
Together we dream of better days,
Together we will set this world a blaze.

______________________________

We wipe the sand from our eyes,
To see yet another old days demise,
With a new day before us we take up a new path,
All in our way shall fear our wrath.

__________________________________

And breath you shall,
For your lungs fill as my heart,
Your love will guide me ,
Your Strength will save me,
For I have spent years searching,
Now that I have you I will not let go,
You and I are one and one we are,
Together we shall face eternity.

Dr Goofy Mofo wrote:

Thou the path may seem old and worn,
and our spirt may seem withered and torn,
The choices we made have lead us here,
It's time we suck it up and face our fear.

______________________________

A way to face these tormented shores,
A way to open these closed doors,
Together we dream of better days,
Together we will set this world a blaze.

______________________________

We wipe the sand from our eyes,
To see yet another old days demise,
With a new day before us we take up a new path,
All in our way shall fear our wrath.

__________________________________

And breath you shall,
For your lungs fill as my heart,
Your love will guide me ,
Your Strength will save me,
For I have spent years searching,
Now that I have you I will not let go,
You and I are one and one we are,
Together we shall face eternity.

I know you said it was only fragments for another poem but that sounded like it was complete!

I like it.

Especially "And breath you shall, for your lungs fill as my heart"

I think if i add in transitions it could work! Thanks!

what about this?

Thou the path may seem old and worn,
and our spirt may seem withered and torn,
The choices we made have lead us here,
It's time we suck it up and face our fear.


A way to face these tormented shores,
A way to open these closed doors,
Together we dream of better days,
Together we will set this world a blaze.



We wipe the sand from our eyes,
To see yet another old days demise,
With a new day before us we take up a new path,
All in our way shall fear our wrath.

We walk the path with new determination,
Thou the path is long and windy,
It might take our breath away,
But we will not let it!


And breath you shall,
For your lungs fill as my heart,
Your love will guide me ,
Your Strength will save me,
For I have spent years searching,
Now that I have you I will not let go,
You and I are one and one we are,
Together we shall face eternity.

or cut off the last paragraph

Thou the path may seem old and worn,
and our spirit may seem withered and torn,
The choices we made have lead us here,
It's time we suck it up and face our fear.


A way to face these tormented shores,
A way to open these closed doors,
Together we dream of better days,
Together we will set this world a blaze.



We wipe the sand from our eyes,
To see yet another old days demise,
With a new day before us we take up a new path,
All in our way shall fear our wrath.

~ I don't know what kind of comment you want.
I do love the imagery!

Thou the path may seem old and worn,
and our spirit may seem withered and torn,
The choices we made have lead us here,
It's time we suck it up and face our fear.


A way to face these tormented shores,
A way to open these closed doors,
Together we dream of better days,
Together we will set this world a blaze.



We wipe the sand from our eyes,
To see yet another old days demise,
With a new day before us we take up a new path,
All in our way shall fear our wrath.

... Very nice!
{'Thou' should be though or tho' ... I don't intend to annoy or anything!
Its just, well, I've edited poetry for some published poets because I catch stuff like that.}

That paragraph ya cut off?

And breath you shall,
For your lungs fill as my heart,
Your love will guide me ,
Your Strength will save me,
For I have spent years searching,
Now that I have you I will not let go,
You and I are one and one we are,
Together we shall face eternity.

... That's another poem... Work on that & you have another lovely!
Poetry is so fluid & personally connected.
It's very difficult to critique a poet because it's so personal, I know.
It's always your Art & Vision & Voice!!!
Ignore me easily. Stay true to yourself.

Thanks! I think I needed to add some just for the book poems but A book will not give you any criticizing which you need to grow.

Through the treacherous years,
You have always been my crutch,
You were there for me in tragedy,
You never faltered from my side,
Now it is my turn to be there,
I must feel your lungs with hope,
And breath you shall,
For your lungs fill as my heart,
Your love will guide me ,
Your Strength will save me,
For I have spent years searching,
Now that I have you, I will not let go,
You and I are one, and one we are,
Together we shall face eternity,
So lay your head to sleep,
For tomorrow is a new day.

~ You want criticism? Just need to know how far you want me to go.
Poetry is very personal & I don't want to ever stomp on an artist, ever!
It's YOUR Voice, Your Vision, Your Art!

Well without it everyone just tells you it is good... there is no it is bad or it sucks which is if it is what you need to here.

~ Just in case you'd like?
I don't want to critique poetry here, it's not the place for such.
forloveandjoy.yuku.com
It's my personal poetry-fiddling place.
If you do want another point of view & whatever, post there & I'll be glad to assist